What's my kink? Do you know yours?
Asking what’s my kink isn't the same as asking what's my fantasy (we'll get to that later), but it's the same thing as asking what is my norm.
And norms change. From person to person, and from country to country.
For example, I once read a romance where the man was scandalized because the woman wanted doggie-style sex. He thought her kinky. What a stiff! (no pun intended). That position is truly mundane and to have it depicted as kinky was weird. At least for me.
In my short story 'After the Honeymoon' (free for all my email subscribers, right here), the husband realizes he has a kink: he enjoys watching another man (or better yet, men) ‘do’ his wife - he is a voyeur.
He is ashamed of his own kinky fantasies. He needs to undergo therapy in order to accept his desires. He eventually talks it out with the one person who can realize them for him - his wife.
Kinks are those fantasies that stray from the norm. Spicy books are a significant source of education to get an idea of the wide, wide world out there, and should be read often (no hidden motive here...). Seriously, though, moving from reading to realizing is the real challenge. Like the husband from my story, it requires a willing partner (or partners) and the courage to open up to them.
Open communication is not just a part of a healthy sex life, it’s the most important part of it. I find it very sexy when my heroes speak frankly to each other - so I insert good communication into my stories (frank discourse between partners is a fantasy, but it isn't a kink - see the difference?)
So what’s my kink?
In my books and stories, I get to imagine and ‘live’ many kinks. Some I try for real, others - not so much. I get ideas from the vast and growing array of sex toys for singles and couples, and from books I read. I keep an open mind.
My one guiding principle is that everything has to be consensual - always.
Other than that - bring it on!